Bye Bye Abilify

I am happy to report that I am off Abilify. My psychiatrist had prescribed it to me as a supplement to my antidepressant Lexapro because I felt that the Lexapro wasn't working. I still had bouts of depression. But the Abilify made me speedy and compulsive, and it didn't help my depression. So I flushed the remainder so that I wouldn't relapse by caving in to a desire to feel speedy. I'm now on an increased dose of Lexapro. I look forward to my sleep improving and my compulsive behavior diminishing.


It's hard because, as a sober person, I don't know what is a normal amount of sadness. Perhaps I'm just fine. Perhaps it's OK to be unhappy some of the time. As an addict I seek to feel good all the time. I have trouble accepting, or even understanding, brief periods of melancholy. My disease pipes up and says, "This feeling is unacceptable. Change it ASAP."


It's been 3 days off the Abilify and I feel calmer. More relaxed. Less edgy. Less anxious. I hope this continues because I don't want to go through another medication trial.


God, stay with me. Amen.