Life is... life-ing

I joined Al-anon 6 months ago. Probably 46 years late. I did so b/c I realized that I still subconsciously employed a coping mechanism from early childhood: freezing my feelings in order to make sure everyone else was ok, then having them later, if there was time, which resulted in my not getting to know my true feelings b/c I never allowed myself to have them in real time. I was taught from a young age to postpone my real emotions or eliminate them altogether, so they wouldn't inconvenience anyone. My job was to fix; to ensure everyone else was comfortable. I am just now learning how to exercise self respect by allowing myself the grace to feel. I am feeling deeply and crying often. And it feels great. I am mothering myself in a nurturing way, and allowing myself to be the vulnerable child that I was never allowed to be. And it feels correct. It is growth. Thank you God, for this direction.